You, And My Mom!
by butterflybg
Summary: Joey is busy on Friday night for some reason. That's right, Yugi's mom is going out with his best friend! What does Yami have to do with it? Is Kaiba being a friend? Has Tea always been this flirty? Has Yugi always been this ditsy? Total oocness. Enjoy!
1. Friday Night

Hey readers. This fiction is not to be taken seriously. As in, it's just for laughs, and maybe you will start to see an underlying message if I can't help it. Otherwise, it was written just for fun and to be funny. I have two more chapters to post if I feel I get enough reviews. So, if you are interested in reading more, then review please, or I'll never know!

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

"So, do you want to hang out tonight Joey?" Yugi asked, looking up at his best friend. The two were walking home and Joey was trying to figure out how to word his answer.

"Uh...I can't.", was his anything but remarkable reply. "I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

"Just busy-that's all."

Yugi asked no further questions, only because he was thinking.

They arrive at Yugi's house and say goodbye while Yugi goes inside and Joey keeps walking home.

As Yugi enters the living room, his initial instinct is to plop on the couch, knowing that his only companion tonight will be the TV.

A couple hours pass with nothing accomplished but learning about a knife-set that includes 6 knives for twenty dollars and comes with a free blender. He searches the guide for something else to watch and sees a movie that's going to be on that his mother would enjoy. Him, not so much, but he'd rather watch a chick-flick with his mom than sit on the couch alone. He asked himself, chick-flick with mom, or infomercials about how "it slides right off the blade."?

And so, he found himself walking into the kitchen to find his mom...with no luck. And so, into the laundry room to find his mom...with no more luck than before. And so, outside, into the garden to find his mom...with-well-no luck. He walks back inside, wandering why his mom would be gardening anyways. It was pretty late in the day and close to sundown. She wouldn't be gardening, but then , where would she be at this time of the day?

And so, up the stairs, into her bedroom...and finally, he finds her! She's wearing a very nice evening dress and putting an earring on. Yugi doesn't really take this image into mind.

"Mom, do you want to watch a Lifetime movie tonight? There's one on and it-looks...interesting... I think." Yugi stopped for a moment, confused. He wasn't really sure if it was interesting because he really didn't think chick-flicks were interesting. His mom caught that, and gave him a look confusion as well. He just shrugged and she had no further questions.

"Sorry, I can't. I'm going out tonight." Looking in the mirror, she checked the make-up on both of her eyes on more time, then stepped back to get a final look at herself.

Yugi went blank and replied, "Oh, you're going out." He watched her nod as she fixed her hair. "Out where?"

She froze, as if swallowing a fast-acting poison that would kill her faster if she moved. She thought on how to word her answer, " Ummmm...out."

"Okay, drive safely." Yugi walked downstairs. He was a little disappointed. He was making his way to the couch-not! The phone rang, which changed his plans of sitting down. Yugi begins walking away from the couch and toward the kitchen to answer the phone. "Hello, Muto residence, Yugi Muto speaking."

"Hey Yug!"

"Hey Joey."

"My plans fell through, I'm free tonight."

"That's great Joey, I thought I was going to be completely bored tonight."

"I can meet at the arcade in an hour."

"Okay. Ummm..." Yugi paused, " I hope you don't mind me asking, but what were you originally planning to do? You just didn't say much about it, so I didn't ask." Yugi thought about the logic behind his reasoning, only because now it didn't make sense.

Joey sighed, I didn't really want to talk about it, but my mom is in town and she was going to take me shopping. Then we were going to hang out and catch up. I just thought it was kind of lame to hang out with your mom. Don't you think so?"

Yugi's eyes widened, "Heh, I guess it would be kind of lame...hanging out with your mom-"

"I mean, what kind of loser is so lonely, so bored, so pathetic, and has so little of a life that they would want to spend a Friday night with their own mo-"

"Okay Joey, I get it!"

"Anyways, I thought it was pretty embarrassing, so I didn't tell you. I mean, even _you_ are cool enough to not have to hang out with your mom! Right?"

"Uhhh...right." Yugi nodded to no one except herself. He caught himself in his mistake, and would have to convince himself later that he's not crazy. "Well then...uh..I'll talk to you later-when I get there. You know, when I get to the arcade." Yugi nodded again without thinking about it.

"K', later Yugi."

"Bye." Yugi set the phone back down in the charger. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall. As he stared at the clock, somewhat in a trance, he watched a minute slowly go by. For the first time ever, he realized the value of an hour. It's a lot more than he ever thought.

Then he remembered someone who wasn't typically forgotten. "Yami!", he exclaimed-to himself. Again he wandered if he was crazy. "Just maybe." He told himself. Yugi knows he should invite Yami. If he remembered, he would have talked to Yami a lot earlier about hanging out. Yami was just so quiet up in his bedroom. Yugi imagined that Yami must be bored while Yugi is at school all day long. After all, he was alone with Yugi's mom all day! He must be bored, right? So Yugi figured he should ask Yami.

Yugi went back upstairs. He knocked, then opened Yami's bedroom door.

Yami stopped buttoning his shirt half way and looked toward Yugi and away from the mirror he was using. "Come in." He said sarcastically. He then turned back toward the mirror and continued buttoning.

"Heh, sorry."

"It's fine." He never looked away from the mirror.

"So, me and Joey are going-to-the... arcade." Yugi slowed down his sentence toward the end, this time noticing that Yami already seemed to be dressed for an occasion.

"Sorry. I can't. I'm going," Yami paused, "out." His face turned bright red.

Yugi thought for a minute, as if this sounded familiar. "Out where?"

"Just" He paused again, looking for the best way to word his sentence, "out." was his much less than remarkable and definitely heard-of reply. "You know, just out.", because too vague just wasn't vague enough.

"Hmm..." Yugi started trying to connect some dots, mentally. He blinked, "You know, it seems like everyone else is busy. Joey _was_ busy, but then his plans fell through. My mom is, 'just going out', and now you're 'just going out'-" Yugi stopped and looked at Yami, who's face was as red as a firetruck. Then his face turned as white as an ambulance.

Yami took a deep breath. He turned to Yugi and said, "Now Yugi, I can explain."

"What?" Yugi was bright at times, but it would take him some time to shine some light on this one. "Yami, I completely understand. It's okay if you have plans without me. I'm not mad."

Yami's expression fell, and he just had a look of, 'Are you kidding me?' He decided to try again. "No Yugi, I'm not sure if you understand-"

"I do understand. It's fine Yami."

Yami wandered if Yugi really got it, "Really Yugi? Do you really get it?"

"Yes, have fun..." Yugi smiled. Yami sighed of relief, until Yugi finished, "...without me."

This caused Yami to fall a little hopeless and just slightly frustrated. "Yugi-"

"Are you ready to go?" Yugi's mom asked. She was standing in the doorway behind Yugi. So Yugi immediately jumped a little, surprised. He turned around and took a good look at his mom. They were both taking a good look at his mom- however, both had completely different thoughts in mind.

Yami smiled and replied, "Yes, I'm ready."

"Ok then, let's go." she said, waiting for him to respond. Finally, Yami walked past Yugi and held out his arm. Yugi's mom took it and they walked down the stairs together.

Yugi could hear his mom say, "Call me if there's an emergency." as they walked out the door- together. They were probably walking to the car- together. They were probably getting in the car- together. They were out for the night- together.

Only when all of these details registered in Yugi's mind could one say, 'and _then_ there was light' because Yugi could finally see: "Yami just went out...with my mom!"

* * *

It was a trick! I didn't say that Joey was going out with Yugi's mom. I said his best friend was after I briefly mentioned that Joey was busy. I hope everyone enjoyed it.

Review Please!

Hey, check out Love: The Art of Battle. It's an audition fic by Silent Scream of Crimson Tears. Not sure what an audition fic is? Check it out!

Hint: To the ladies, you can still audition, some of the names were just filled in to not leave them blank. Try for any part except the OC and the the OC's sister! hurry, hurry while they're available!


	2. At the arcade

AN: I hope people think this story is funny. Two reviews wasn't the big number I was waiting for, but I'm satisfied. Besides, I couldn't wait to post the next chapter. So, here it is, with only one more to go until I have to write new material.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

About ten minutes after Yugi finds out a very disturbing truth about his mom and Yami, he is still standing in the place where he found out. He definitely didn't see this coming, and he was still in shock. He wasn't sure what to do. What could he do? No matter what he did, he would definitely need therapy!

His thoughts are startled when he hears a knock on the front door. Snapping back to Earth, he walks downstairs to answer it. Only when he sees who is there can he put aside his thoughts of his mom and Yami.

"Hi Yugi!"

"Oh, hey Tea." Yugi is surprised, but happy to see his childhood friend and crush.

"I'm going to the arcade. Do you want to come with me?" She asked sweetly with a big, bright smile.

"Well, I am supposed to me Joey there in less than an hour. So I'll go with you."

"Awesome!"

They walked to the arcade together. On the way there, Yugi didn't really pay much attention to what Tea was saying. He was still a little distracted by the thoughts of...the unthinkable which he only recently found out about. This caused him to be a bit spacier than usual.

At the arcade, they played a few short games before Tea wanted to play Dance, Dance Revolution. It wasn't long before she had to take off her jacket and was dancing in her revealing tube top and short skirt. Yet, Yugi was still staring off into space.

She stopped dancing and looked at Yugi. "What's wrong Yugi? You usually love it when I dance in a tube top and short skirt."

Yugi shrugged and sighed. "I don't know Tea."

"Come on! Don't you remember how happy you were when I almost had a complete wardrobe malfunction?"

Yugi shook his head and continued staring blankly.

Tea suddenly became impatient, "Yugi, have you finally turned on me?"

Yugi immediately looked up and snapped, "Tea!"

"Why aren't you noticing me tonight?"

"Tonight..." Yugi went back into his daze. He snapped back out of it again though. He thought maybe Tea could help him with his situation. "Tea, what would you do if your best friend started dating your mom?"

Tea was a little confused by the question. "Well Yugi, my dad would murder you in your sleep." Tea paused, just a little disturbed at the thought. "Yugi, why do you want to date my mom? What does she have that I don't? You know-"

"No!' Yugi interrupted. "No Tea, Yami!"

She gasped, "He wants to date my mom?"

"No!" Yugi sighed, "I kind of wish he did though."

Tea started catching on- though she was thrown off by Yugi's last comment. "Yugi, why didn't Yami say hello to me before we left to come here?"

"Because Tea." He sighed again. "He's on a date with my mom!"

Tea's jaw dropped. She was completely in shock. When she did come back, all she could say was, "Nice.'

"What?" Yugi looked up at her confused. "You think it's nice that my mom's alone with Yami?"

"No, I think it's nice that Yami's alone with your mom. You see Yugi, if I were a guy, or if I swung the other way-" Tea nodded while thinking to herself as she replied, "I'd hit that."

Yugi wasn't sure what to think, "I don't understand."

"You know, let's say, if I 'played for the other team'. Yeah, I'd hit that. You're mom's pretty hot. You know, she's a m.i.l.f.."

Yugi couldn't believe what he was hearing. He just didn't know what to think. Well, if it wasn't his mom that was involved in this though and was someone else instead, like Mai or Joey's sister, Yugi would probably watch that kind of action. "Don't you think that she's really, really old? She's like a million and something."

"Yeah, and so is Yami, but they both look great!"

Yugi just stared. "It's my mom!"

"I know what you mean Yugi. Though, I think all you need is to watch me dance in a revealing outfit."

Yugi had to think about this-but not for very long. "I agree." He nodded, but was then disappointed by the sound of Joey's voice.

"Hey Yugi!" Joey walked up with Tristan behind him.

Yugi was shaking his head and motioning for them to leave before Tea noticed them.

"Hey Joey and Tristan." Tea smiled. "Yugi, you and the guys can go play games while I keep dancing."

Yugi frowned, but replied, "Okay."

They all walked off and began playing a racing game together. Several minutes later, Joey could see that something was wrong.

"Hey Yugi, what's wrong? You usually toy with us, but you're just winning."

Yugi sighed, "Joey, what would you do if your best friend started dating your mom?"

Joey thought for a second. "Yugi, you know it's not okay for you to date my mom."

"Or his sister." Tristan threw in.

"Yeah, or my sister."

"No! Yami!" Yugi defended.

"He can't date them either Yugi!."

"No Joey! Yami is on a date with _my_ mom right now!"

Joey and Tristan fell silent. Joey was the first to reply with, "Nice."

Tristan followed with, "Nice."

Yugi was shocked. Yugi and Tristan looked at each other nodding. Yugi waked off.

He walked back to the Dance Dance Revolution when he saw a tall, brown haired rival of his. Kaiba was busting some moves when he saw his much shorter rival, "Yugi, what are you doing here?"

Yugi just stared at him blankly.

"I mean, I challenge you to Dance Dance Revolution!"

Yugi silently stepped onto the platform and put in his money. After several rounds of challenging dances and off the hook moves, Kaiba was out of breath. Another round just ended. Kaiba could see that something was wrong."Not that-" he panted, "I care but," more panting, "What's wrong? You usually enjoy beating and humiliating me. But tonight-" Kaiba stopped. "you're just schooling me."

Yugi was unphased. He simply asked, "Kaiba, what would you do if your best friend was on a date with your mom?"

Kaiba was slightly thrown off by the question. "Uhh...I think I would be mad...I think.."

Yugi's face lit up hopefully, "Yeah?"

"Yugi, you have to remember, I have neither a best friend nor a mom."

Yugi's hopes fell again, but he replied, "True."

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, right now Yami is out with my mom."

Kaiba blinked. He was silent because he did think this was the strangest think he ever heard. Still he replied, "Nice."

Yugi wasn't surprised, but a little annoyed, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well Yugi, to put it simply- if ever given the chance, I would gladly be your stepfather, and you wouldn't be an only child anymore."

Yugi's eyes widened as his jaw fell. He silently turned to walk away.

"Yugi wait, I can help you." Yugi didn't reply, because Kaiba had permanently burnt some very disturbing images into Yugi's mind. He kept walking. Kaiba caught Yugi and turned him to talk face to face. "Yugi listen." Yugi was listening. "Yugi, I can't stand kids, so it probably wouldn't be more than two."

Yugi was officially scarred. "Is that worst than Yami dating my mom?"

"Pretty much. But look, I have an idea. We can spy on them!"

Yugi gasped, "You're terrible!" He shook his head at Kaiba. "So, how can we spy on them?"

An: I hope everyone liked it and thought it was funny. Yeah, everyone is out of character except for Yami, which will be in the next chapter. Maybe once I write more he will be out of character, but not ditsy like Yugi, he would just enjoy messing with Yugi's head. So yeah, review please and tell me honestly what you think!


	3. Spying on Them!

AN: This is the last chapter I have for this story. The story's not over, it's just not written yet. I wrote this two years ago, so who knows if I can still use my funny bone in this way. We'll see, but I do have an ending in mind. So, maybe look forward to another chapter or two. One was or another, I will end this! So, enjoy.

"Are you sure this will work?" Yugi watched Kaiba open his laptop. The background was a picture of Serenity, then a screen appeared that showed Yami and Yugi's mom sitting across from each other in a restaurant.

"Don't worry Yugi, I know my camera is completely concealed. They won't ever suspect a thing."

"It's a good thing that Tea is an expert when it comes to nice places to take a person to on a date, or else we never would have figured out where Yami took my mom." Yugi said appreciatively.

"Well Yugi," Tea began, "When a girl is in love with a guy, and the guy doesn't know, she has to know all of the local restaurants to know which ones to drop hints to him about. Whether he gets them or not!" She nudged him in a hinting way.

"Oh gee Tea, that's too bad." Yugi replied naively. Yugi stared at the screen. Kaiba unmuted the volume to hear what they were saying.

"...and that's why I got so interested in cooking and why I majored in culinary arts." Yugi's mom just finished saying. "I'm glad I did because I got to travel to a lot of amazing places and taste great food."

"Did you go to all the places you wanted to see?" Yami ate a bite of his mixed vegetables.

"Most of them. The one place I didn't get to go to was Paris. It's my dream to go there, and I had the chance to but I turned it down."

"So what happened? If you wanted to go much, why didn't you?"

"Well, I was still a sous chef when I graduated. My boss knew a famous chef who owned a very popular restaurant in France. So I got an offer to stay there for a few months and be an apprentice to him." She paused to take a sip of her wine. "But I just got back from some other place and was a bit tired of traveling. I was in love with Yugi's father and was ready to settle down. Now I have Yugi."

"Did you ever go to Africa?" Yami asked.

"No, I don't think they have too many culinary schools in Africa."

"Oh. I don't know what Egypt or Africa is like now, but I am a bit curious." He ate some more of his food.

"That's right. Egypt. What was Ancient Egypt like?"

Yami took a few seconds to think about his answer and drink some more wine."If you mean to ask, what the food was like, then Ancient Egypt isn't that interesting. All we really cared about back then was finding edible food. That wasn't really a problem, as long as we prayed to the god of the Nile for a high tide. Then there was plenty of harvest. Of course, we would then have to thank him also." Yami looked at Miss Muto, and saw that she was fascinated. He got embarrassed anyways. "Sorry." He smiled bashfully. "I'm rambling."

She laughed. "Don't worry. I think we've both been rambling." They both laughed. They looked at each other and she continued, "I thought that once you got to be our age, things like that don't happen anymore."

Yami took a bite of his food and a nervous drink of his wine. "I actually died when I was young. I was around twenty-two. " He took another drink of his wine. He laughed nervously, "Heheh, yeah.", and took another drink.

Yugi's mom suddenly became alert, but still fascinated. "So, you're twenty-two? Is the 5000 years added on?"

"To be honest, I have no idea how that works. Maybe it adds a year for every 500 years mys spirit is still on this planet, maybe it subtracts. Who knows?"

Miss Muto laughed, and smiled at him. She found his sense of humor over the whole situation admirable. She took a few quick bites of her food before pushing it aside. She saw that he was about to finish his meal, and when he did he pushed his plate aside also. She suddenly felt curious again. "What did you like best about Egypt compared to now?"

He smiled brightly. "Where do I begin? First of all, I ruled a country." Immediately she began to laugh at the way he answered. When she finished and gestured for him to continue, he did. "I had authority and power back then. And I didn't sit around uselessly all day at your house." His smile showed her that he was kidding, which she laughed out loud again at his sarcasm. Then he looked at her and said, "It's not all that bad, Maybe I don't have my country, but I get to talk to you while I sit around all day not ruling a country." Again she laughed, then kept grinning to show her appreciation for his comment. He finished, "I'm having a really great time."

"Me too." She placed a hand on one of his that was resting on the table.

Yami's face lit up. Then he glanced over his shoulder, toward the camera. He looked back at her confused, then glanced back over his shoulder- then looked at her again. She was confused on this change of expression. Finally though, he grinned wider than before. He grinned especially wide toward Miss Muto and raised an eyebrow. She was still confused. So he tried to hint to her as subtly as possible. He had an idea of how to do that. "Do you know what I've really enjoyed about tonight?"

"What?"

"I really liked how we messed with Yugi's head."

She immediately stopped smiling. She didn't seem to approve at first. Trying to fill her in without drawing any special attention he nodded while still smiling. She tried to interpret this, then seemed to understand. She returned his smile with one of her own, replying, "Yeah, I think we scarred him."

Yami got excited, "I know we did. Did you see his face when you grabbed my arm?"

"Oh no. I missed it. I didn't get to see his expression at all."

"It was priceless." laughed Yami.

"I really wanted to cause permanent damage. After I told him to call me if there was emergency, I almost told him not wait up. I almost said it, I came so close." Both of them began to laugh hysterically. As a result, Yugi was pretty affected, but was convinced that they were drinking too much.

When they ended their laughter Yami said. "We should stay out all night and come back tomorrow morning after he wakes up. We could tell him that we got a hotel, we could make him think we did something."

She placed her elbows on the table and rested her face on her hands. "Why make him think we did something when could actually do it?"

Yami's face lit up again. "Oh, I like the way you think!"

"Why thank you. Why don't get we out of here right now?"

"Are you saying we should skip dessert?"

She shook her head, "No, I'm saying we should take it with us."

"I really like the way you think! Would you just excuse me for one moment?" He asked, she nodded. Getting up, he placed his napkin on the right side of his plate, just as Miss Muto taught him to. Yami walked toward the camera and placed a hand in front of it.

After that, all Yugi, Kaiba, and Tea were able to see was a combination of black and dark purple.

"What happened?" Kaiba asked.

Yugi sighed, "He sends so many of my things to the shadow realm." They saw some items float in front of the camera. "See, those are my magazines, my videos, my DVD's."

"Yugi, quit being such a pervert." Just then Kaiba's screen savor appeared, which was a variety of pictures of Serenity. Kaiba quickly touched the mouse pad to make the screen saver go away.

Suddenly they heard a menacing voice come from the speakers of the laptop. "Yugi, I have all of your items, and if you want them back you have to release me from this retched place!" Yugi immediately recognized this voice as his least favorite half of Marik. And the dark half was there too. "Yugi, how could you send _me_ to the shadow realm, when I turned out to be a good guy?"

"Sorry." Yugi replied. "You're both so freaky looking. I got confused and sent both of you there, just to be safe." Trying to make it up to Marik, he said, "And you can keep those DVD's, I got some more that Yami doesn't know about."

"What am I supposed to do with them?"

Yugi thought that was an awkward question to answer, but he answered anyways, "...enjoy...them."

"But the TV here has no DVD player!"

Yugi gasped, "You poor thing!"

Now they could hear dark Marik's booming voice, "Yugi, I will possess you and your girlfriend, and get your girlfriend pregnant so that you will have to take care of your children and will not be able to stop me when I take over the world!"

"Go ahead, but I'm pretty sure I can get her pregnant myself. Anyways Yami would stop you." Yugi seemed unphased by the dark Marik's threat, and Tea was desperately hoping they were talking about her.

"Oh- well...then I'll possess him instead and get your mom pregnant!"

Yugi slammed the laptop shut immediately. They could still hear the good Marik's voice, "But Yugi, can't you get me out of here?"

"No way! It's too risky. I wouldn't want to accidentally release your dark half."

"But Yugi, it's so awful in here because you never die!"

"Maybe later."

"Yugi!" He cried. "Save me! HE'S GNAWING ON MY LEG!!" The sound of munching could be heard from the speakers.

"Well, I have more important thing to do, like preventing Yami and my mom from having a pleasant evening together. So good luck with that. I'll talk to you soon." Yugi unplugged the camera chord to the laptop. "Kaiba, is there any other way to keep an eye on them?"

Kaiba chuckled, then laughed maniacally and arrogantly before replying, "Yugi, I'm filthy rich. I'm a master of technology. I can do anything that I want because my money gives me power, and my power gives me brilliance. So with the transitive property of geometry, my money gives me brilliance." He finished smugly.

"So, then what do you have?"

"I have nothing. Now go home you little pervert." Kaiba closed his briefcase and walked away.

Yugi and Tea looked at each other. They remembered that Joey and Tristan were still at the arcade, so they decided to walk back together. Then when they got there, they would play some more games -specifically, Dance Dance Revolution.

AN: I hope you enjoyed! I know, there was a bit of cheesy, mushy part. However, that will be ellaborated along with their developing relationship, to make the reader more comfortable with the idea of them-to make it ok. Maybe I'll actually give Yugi's mom a name! ;) Did anyone notice that? So yeah, review please!! It will make me work harder toward writing another chapter.


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